Now that no one reads this anymore I suppose I can return to typing my thoughts...now if only they'd come back to me.  It's been almost a year since I started this thing and I'm basically in the same spot I was before...I've had some ups, but I'm still in that dark whole.  Will I always be here?  I pray not.  In the Bible, Paul, talks about how those things that he knows he should do, he doesn't do;  and those things that he knows he shouldn't do, he does...  I totally relate to Paul in that passage...it seems as though I struggle with that constantly but to no avail...  How is that possible?  Well, I've come to one conclusion...I've become complacent, lathargic, apathetic - all to the things of God.  I've allowed myself to be influenced so by the worlds lusts that I've forgotten the prize that I used to strive for - a stronger, more consistant relationship with the Lover of my soul, Jesus Christ.  I've forgotten why I was made - not only to come to know Him, but to become more like Him and to bring others to that saving knowledge.  I've dropped the ball, I've let Him down....once again.  How can He look at me in love?  God the Father looks at me and sees perfection because He sees His perfect Son...I can't understand it, but it's true.  Praise You, Lord, for your unfailing, unconditional love. 

ok, i've been informed that yet again i need to update....and yes, i do agree...it is much needed...well, there's not really too much to say...work is still the same...i've gotten my car back so i don't have to bum a ride nemore and i can go to church now...which makes me happy  i've missed going on a regular basis...i miss seeing "my kids"....i'm sure they'd laugh their heads off if they saw that i just called them that...Ryan and I are doing great....he'll be here on Sun. for a couple of days...i can't wait to see him...he makes me happy...more on this subject later...i'm not gonna say too much about it for a while...precautionary messure...you understand...  my house is starting to look better...i had a few days off recently and i was able to clean a few things and unpack a little more...i just hadn't been able to cuz i've been so busy since we moved...but it's all starting to come together...

well, i finally got some good sleep today...but i'm starving so i'm gonna go get some food in this tummy of mine...much love to all